As we gathered up our coats and bags after Strength and Balance at the Castle Centre this morning we chatted. There were seven of us today. Eight if you included Jeff our instructor. We all agreed that we benefitted from the session. We also all agreed that we could perfectly well spend an hour a day at home doing the same exercises. And we all admitted that we don’t. 

The question was, ‘Why not?’

 It turned out that some of us do a few exercises most days. Some do a few exercises sometimes. One said she didn’t do any, ever. Yet we all agreed that we knew we benefitted from the classes. Strength and Balance classes cost us nothing. They are provided by the National Health Service. They  are an effort to get to and sometimes we are not in the mood, but they help.

The consensus was that we needed the motivation that comes from being part of a group and that we liked the company. 

I’m reminded of those wise old clergy of the past who, when people asserted, “I don’t need to go to Church. I can worship God just as well at home, or in my garden, or enjoying beauty,” would reply, “Perhaps you could – but do you? And how often?”

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis II. xviii 

“I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught”

Winston Churchill

Hear Hear

It was writing about choice that reminded me.  In the mid 1960s I first met Dame Edith Evans. I can’t remember how, where or why. She was in her seventies, one of the greatest actresses of her generation, I was in my twenties and training to be a priest. Over time we talked about many things but especially theatre and priesthood.

The conversation I remember most clearly was when she was telling me the importance of working from the inside out and not from the outside in. She told me that many people imagine that actors ‘put on’ a character as they put on their stage make up – that they ‘put on’ the character from the exterior appearance and outward mannerisms. 

She said that it didn’t work like that. Rather, she said, that you find the character from inside yourself. 

“They’re all there,” she said. “You just have to find them.”

And she added, with some force, “That is why I have never played that loathsome woman.”      

We had been talking Shakespeare and I knew the ‘loathsome woman’ was Lady Macbeath. 

“She is there within me,” Dame Edith said, “But I choose not to find her.”

I arrived back in London on Sunday after a most enjoyable two week cruise down the coasts of France, Northern Spain and Portugal. The ship, Seabourn Ovation, is excellent and the staff superb. Inwardly I used to sneer at cruises and the people who went on them. Out of ignorance.  Whence, I suspect, most sneering comes.  

By Tuesday I wasn’t feeling great and as I was going out to lunch with friends thought I ought do a covid test – the result was positive. It rather irritates me that the current English language usage chooses to apply ‘positive’ to something which is clearly negative for me. I don’t think the two are related, the cruise and the covid test. However each in their own way has shown me a positive.

While on the cruise we docked in Cobh, County Cork in Ireland, we went there as well. I went ashore to spend some time at the cathedral of St Colman. The cathedral is at the top of a hill in a commanding position. It’s a very steep climb to get there. I managed. I found coming down the paths and steps even more difficult. Near the bottom I paused to rest. 

Two young people, off duty staff from the ship, were coming up. They stropped when they saw me. The young man asked, ”You ok?“ I replied that I was and was just taking a break before walking back to the ship. He said that they would walk back with me if I would like that. I said that I would be fine and I was. The hard working staff from the ship only occasionally get the chance to go ashore. These two were cheerfully prepared to give up some precious free time for me.

Today I’ve had two phone calls from Guy’s Hospital. Yesterday i rang my GP Surgery to put them in the picture over my covid test result and they were following up that contact. The first call was to clarify how I was – basically fine. The actual question was, “How are you feeling right now?” My answer was, “In a bad mood because I was looking forward to having people to dinner and I’ve had to cancel.” He said that he was very sorry to hear that and understood my disappointment at missing people I liked. We then went on to discuss matters medical and I gave permission for my medical records to be looked at.

The second call from Guy’s was from a doctor who had looked at my medical records. She was understanding and, having assessed my situation, decided that I need simply to continue what I was doing already – paracetamol, water and rest. She also said to get in touch if things deteriorated which she thought most unlikely.

While the human animal can at times be vicious, bitter, dangerous and unkind, the latter being every bit as bad as the others, there are those who, at times, are funny, thoughtful, generous and helpful. And the interesting thing is there are bits of each in all of us. We have the choice.

I have just come back from having my hair cut – not too short, there’s not much of it. I paid £13. Others pay £15 but I’m an OAP so I get a special rate. On the bus on the way back someone moved from where they were sitting to another further back to make it easier for me – same reason I think, age discrimination.

When I was much younger, to describe someone as being very discriminating was to pay a compliment. Now the word discrimination has acquired a shift. The question, “Have you ever experienced discrimination?” Is usually taken to mean negative discrimination. And yet, alongside that is my experience this morning – positive discrimination because of my age.

In employment in the United Kingdom any form of discrimination is against the law. In companies with a public face it seems that women and people of colour are to the fore. Whether or not this is a form of positive discrimination and whether it is reflected in behind the scenes management and the boardroom may be a different story

But there is something else I am learning and it is possibly more important. It is not about systems or policies and it is about feelings and perceptions. I am learning that feelings and perceptions are real and need to be treated with care and respect.

 When I feel that I am discriminated against that feeling is real. However that does not mean the intention of the other person was as I perceived it. I need to remember that.

Sometime ago, at the gym, I asked someone whether they had just begun or were finishing their time on a particular machine. I wanted to know so that I could decide whether to wait or to go and exercise elsewhere. They were furious and accused me of being a typical dominant white racist male. I was very taken aback and tried to explain that I only wanted to make a decision over waiting. I began to defend myself and quickly realised that was not helping and walked away. On reflection, I had totally missed the point. Whatever my intention my words were perceived as being those of a dominant, white etc. 

There are so many experiences. There was the young person I remonstrated with for riding a bicycle on the pavement of Kennington Park Road. That person accused me of racism saying, “You only said that because I am Chinese!” I said, “I only said that because you were riding your bicycle on the pavement.” I am sure that person was playing the race card with no feeling of discrimination at all. But it can be difficult to judge.

This is a difficult path to tread. Sometimes when I stand back to let a woman go through a door I cause offence while at other times I get a smile of thanks. I cannot read others’ minds nor they mine. I will continue to try and treat others with respect. I usually have a fair idea of intentions, sometimes I will get it wrong, and I can always try to get it right.